Family can possibly be the best source of happiness of an individual. A family may either be related by blood or from a group of persons who are there for you in good or bad times. Aside from parents and siblings, we can also consider some friends as family. We can also consider our partner as a family since they give us comfort and protection in times of need.
But what if the man whom you thought that you can trust to protect and be with you in all times turn out to be your worst nightmare? Recognizing a potential abuser is not really easy. And women usually think that only physical abuse counts as being abusive. But remember that one can also be abused through emotional or verbal abuse.
However, according to experts, it is very unusual for a partner or a boyfriend to show his bad side, yet if you are still dating. It would be lucky for you if you can recognize his abusive tendencies even before marriage. But it does not usually happen unless you have been living together in one roof. According to studies, here are some of the basic characteristics or situations that you need to keep in mind to know that you are in an abusive relationship or you have an abusive husband:
- If you feel that there is something wrong in your relationship but cannot pinpoint what it is.
- If he always makes it a point to win on any argument, and his words may sometimes intimidate you or may come out as a threat.
- If he accuses you of cheating even in the slightest situation like getting angry when you communicate with your friends.
- If he tries to control you and prevent you from doing things that you usually do like going out for errands.
- If he criticizes and humiliates you in front of others.
- If he makes you feel inadequate or wrong whenever you have an argument.
- If they try to make excuses for their behavior like saying that they are just “joking,.”
- If you feel that your thoughts and ideas aren’t valued anymore.
These are just some of the characteristics or behavior that may possibly lead to having an abusive husband. But just always remember that you are not responsible for their actions no matter what they tell you. This is because abusive husbands have the tendency to turn things the other way around and make you blame yourself for what’s happening in the relationship.
Secondly, try to accept the fact that you cannot change their behavior easily just by talking back to them or by nagging at them. Or you may not change them at all. Continue to be kind and understanding but also know your limits. One can resort to prayer and try to talk and straighten things out when both are in good condition. And when the situation worsens, and you get to hear negative things or hurtful words from your partner, a third person would be a great way to talk things out and to let go of the stress that you are feeling.
Of course, it is not that easy to talk to other persons, especially when it comes to your relationship with your husband. At most times, it would hurt our pride, realizing that we have become involved with an abusive person. It would really take a lot of courage for women to go out and talk about their marriage life. There will also be tendencies that we want to protect our partner even if we know that they really have done wrong.
Situations like these would surely hurt the whole family, especially the children. Once the husband has abusive tendencies, it will certainly create a negative impact on the wife and may sometimes pass on a bad mood to others, specifically to their children. So, experts suggest that if you feel that things are getting out of hand, talking to experts may help. You can try searching for licensed marriage counselors in your area to help you with your situation.
There are family and marriage counselors that can surely help you address these certain situations in your family. They are trained to deal with families and couples that have been undergoing some struggles, so make sure to set an appointment with a professional counselor near you. You can try to convince your husband to go with you so you can possibly settle things faster than just going to counseling alone. This would surely help in your marriage and in dealing with your children.
Abusive husbands may really be scary, whether they abuse physically, emotionally, or mentally. And they cannot really change overnight or even after a few years. But constant prayers do help. Be patients and understanding but know when to stand your ground. Remember that we are God’s creation and that we are created to be honored and loved.