There are several reasons for unsuccessful marriages, and it’s seldom about the in-laws. Most of us learned to be independent at an early age, especially when we have a family of our own. Only a few have to deal with their in-laws. How does it feel like for people who have to? What if you have no choice but to deal with the original Mrs. Robinson, but you just can’t get along? What should you do to not compromise your marriage with the issues surrounding you and your in-laws?
Justin and I have been married for six years, and we have three beautiful kids. His parents have been helping us ever since because it wasn’t a good start for us. I got pregnant when we were 17, and we had no idea how to be adults, let alone to be parents.
Justin’s mom and dad have been helping us financially, but his mom has a say in every decision in our family. For six years now, I feel like I’m developing depression because I always have negative thoughts on how insensitive they are. I feel worthless and disrespected.
Two years ago, my husband’s parents separated, and we had to move in with his mom which I hated. Don’t get me wrong! She’s a sweet woman and all, but she’s just too intrusive and hands-on about everything, and I feel like she’s going way past her boundaries, or am I not in the position to feel this way?
She’s treating my husband like he was still a kid, her kid. I don’t know if it’s a bad thing that I hate it, but I do! There were times when we were talking about personal matters and giggling, and then his mom would butt in and ask, “Why?”
She sets rules for my kids which I find annoying. There was a time I told my son he could watch TV after he finishes his chores, but my son told me he’s grounded. Grounded! “Who grounded you?” I asked angrily. “Grandma did,” he replied. He said his grandma grounded him for causing everyone delay because he moves very slow.
I don’t know, and I don’t want to weigh the situation anymore, but I hate the feeling that she disregards my decisions when it comes to my kids. I don’t just sit around and wait for every meal. I work hard to help somehow raise my children financially, and I just find it so unfair that they let me feel this way, that I’m nothing! They don’t respect my right as a mother, as an individual!
Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC said, “If you have had significant issues around trust, safety, or stability in relationships previously, I think it’s important for people to have other sources of support outside of their partner(s). This support can come in various forms such as friends, family members, clergy, and even a therapist.” So I went to see a therapist because I don’t know how I’m going to deal with my emotions. I understand that I hate her so much, and It’s not just because of the single incident but the continuous feeling of being disrespected and disregarded. I’m on my second session, but there are a few things I realized. I don’t know if I’m the only one experiencing this, but somehow, I want to share my experience. Maybe it could bring light to someone’s troubled mind who is in the same situation as I am.
Keep In Mind That:
- We all have a choice. If you’re stuck in a situation you’re in for a long time, don’t point your fingers at someone else. It was your choice to stay, and you can always get out if you want. Yes, there are a lot of factors why people remain where they are even though they are If you’re going to stand up for any consideration you’re holding onto, don’t complain.
- Only you have the power over your happiness. “Happy people make healthier choices,” explains Scott Glassman, PsyD. You feel pain and stress because you allow them in your life. You have to admit that the solution to all your struggles is in front of you. You just won’t take it because you’re afraid to take a risk.
- If you’re having trouble with your in-laws, talk to your husband not them. It is unwise to deal with the problem by confronting the people who should not be involved. They may be the main reason for your hardships, but it is because of your husband that you have to deal with them. And remember that they are just parents to there, once, kid.
- Someday, you’re going to be a mother-in-law yourself, so right now, be someone who you want your son to marry and, one day, someone who your daughter-in-law, present self, would love.
- If you’re at your in-laws’ territory, there’s no way for you to get things the way you want them. Remember that! If you’re going to be the queen of a castle, build your own. There could never be two queens in one kingdom.
Silently fighting over whose power is higher between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is a never-ending emotional abuse. There’s always going to be psychological warfare especially when you’re living together. A wife has a right and obligation to speak up about anything that’s making her uncomfortable, and the husband must protect her wellbeing. That very much includes her feelings and emotions. “Give yourself time to heal. We can be harder on ourselves than on any other person. Realize that fully overcoming the issues you had to face during your relationship may take time, and that’s OKAY.” Heather Edwards LMHC, NCC, BCC said.