Marriage 101: The Sad Truth About Verbal Abuse




When you are in a marital relationship, you know that love isn’t supposed to hurt. As much as possible, it should encourage a positive overall development that keeps your mental, emotional, and behavioral aspect healthy. Therefore, there is no room for any types of abuse, especially verbal ones. Not all marriages have a fairytale moment, and parts of the struggle require an effective intervention so that it can still hold onto its core values. There is always an effort in determining the connection of verbal abuse to your emotional and psychological health.


It isn’t Just About Yelling – “Emotional and verbal abuse in a marriage is a grey area.” Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC said. We often consider the relationship with verbal abuse whenever a raising voice is present. However, it’s not always about yelling and shouting. It has something to do with your significant other’s behavior towards you. The verbal abuse somehow supports the bad behavior of your partner and pushes you do doubt your own beliefs. It tries to manipulate the situation by using a louder voice that somehow threatens and degrades you.




The Painful Comparison Matters – Verbal abuse can also come in a mild conversation where your partner tries to hurt you with words by comparing you to another person. It usually starts with a small complain and then escalates into more significant blame. Your abusive partner will continuously humiliate you and disregard your capabilities. He will tend to ignore your feelings and would instead continually point out your mistakes and blame you for things you can’t even control. For him, there is always someone better than you and that you are not worthy to receive recognition.


Below The Belt Criticism – Learning to accept your flaws is essential in marriage. However, when your partner tends to criticize your work, salary, ideas, strength, the way you dress, and even your body type without complementing your positive sides, you can expect a verbal abuse in that situation. According to Christine Scott-Hudson, MA MFT ATR, “Emotional abuse could also look like repeated criticisms about personal vulnerabilities you’ve shared with them in the past, such as abuse histories, phobias, fears, or sensitive information about your past.” It will merely create an effect on your psychological aspect because you’ll always think about your defects with great exaggeration. Your partner will always notice something negative about you, and it will put you in a condition that you won’t even appreciate yourself at all.


Jokes Are Always Half Meant – There is a type of verbal abuse in a relationship that you think doesn’t seem to matter at some point. However, though you may find it cute and entertaining, some of those jokes are a considering attack on your values, competency, and personality. The longer you suffer on the sorts of negative comments, the easier it is to believe that the insults are an accurate representation of your character.




“Humans are complex and all of us experience emotions like anger and sadness, so it’s very normal that at some point in the relationship, you will disagree with your partner.” Maryann W. Mathai, LPCC, LMHC, LPC, NCC explains. Though it is common for any relationship to have discussions and arguments, you should never allow your partner to make you feel inferior. Remember to evaluate yourself on how some of your significant other’s comments make you think.  Ask yourself how those words affect your emotional and mental state. It’s true that some situations and people are above you, but you should never lose your focus on determining what types of verbal approach are helping or destroying you.