Help – My Wife Just Won’t Shut Up!

 

Most abused men have difficulty admitting that their wives verbally abuse them, so they keep mum and don’t tell anyone about it. Fact is, there are very scarce support networks that are available particularly for men or homosexuals who want to get out of an abusive relationship. The simplest reason for this would be that most research and studies centered around domestic abuse generally focus on abused women. There’s really not very much on the web and on books and papers that discuss the basic conflicts in a marriage where women verbally and physically abuse their husbands, so agencies and groups that are willing to help don’t know where to reach out to these abused husbands.

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT “Abusers typically want to control and dominate. They use verbal abuse to accomplish this. They are self-centered, impatient, unreasonable, insensitive, unforgiving, and they lack empathy and are often jealous, suspicious, and withholding.” Also, experts agree that they have rarely seen women change from verbally abusing their husbands to becoming good wives who are compassionate and loving. This applies to lesbians as well. Why is this so? Studies have shown that for women to be void of femininity and empathy, she should be extremely mentally damaged without repair.

About The Verbally Abusive Wife

Dr. Karen Ruskin, Psy.D. explains “If a woman starts by saying, ‘I care about you so much that I want you to be healthy,’ the discussion may not deteriorate. You are being mindful of their health and wellness,” she said. “If you preface your desire with a love statement, your mate may hear you through that lens of love and care.” However, there is a vast difference between husbands and wives who verbally abuse. The first strong difference is that females were not born with that male privilege where males have complete power over their victim when it comes to their own views on things, which is why females look for others ways to control and establish fear by verbally abusing their husbands. Additionally, in nearly 50% of cases, wives who abuse their husbands verbally and emotionally find power in threatening to fool the system by reporting their husbands as to the abuser and then having them arrested. They intimidate, blame, threat, deny, coerce, and ultimately use their own children to target their husbands.

How To Deal With Your Abusive Wife

As mentioned before, men don’t have a lot of support systems to help them deal with their verbally, abusive wives. What are you to do? The strategies that are used to help a husband stop abusing his wife won’t probably be effective. If you go into the topic of divorce, it would be more daunting for you since you are well aware that despite stories backed by people who might have witnessed your wife verbally abusing you, the mothers do have custody of the children in about 80-90% of the time.

Perhaps it would be wise to keep these pieces of advice in mind so that your life as a husband who is continually being verbally abused by your wife will eventually stop.

  • You must try to create boundaries for yourself and implement these boundaries seriously. Your wife will definitely attempt to disrespect what you have set, but you must make her see that you are firm in getting respect from her and from the marriage.

 

  • Be with friends who can be trusted and find a support network that will help you develop more resilience, self-confidence, and motivation.

 

  • Seek therapy and find a therapist who is knowledgeable about abuse and how to deal with it.

 

  • Write down the number of the abuse hotline so you will have someone to talk to who is ready and willing to help.

 

  • Knowing more about abuse, specifically verbal abuse, gives you more power to protect yourself and your rights as a husband and a person.

Marie Manly, PhD said, “We can’t change the toxic people into non-toxic people, but we can work on being less reactive.” Ultimately, the husband who is verbally abused by his wife must ask this of himself just as all other victims of abuse do: Is this marriage worth my energy and time? If it is not, then it is time to leave it.