Facts On Abusive Relationships (And Why You Need Online Therapy)

 

What is an abusive relationship?

 

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An abusive relationship is a behavior that involves power and intimidation to establish control over another person. It consists of any form of violence and threat that make the abused party live in fear towards the abuser. Usually, such situation comes from people who are into an intimate relationship. It is then referred to as domestic violence.

 

Knowing more about physical assault

According to Brandy Parris, MA, LMHC “Being in an abusive relationship is incredibly confusing, and multiple myths about abuse can make it difficult to identify when it happens to you.” The most common form of abusive relationship is with the presence of physical assault. It comes in various types:

  • Biting
  • Breaking bones
  • Burns
  • Choking
  • Gunshot wounds or bullet grazing
  • Kicks
  • Mutilation
  • Pinching
  • Punches and slaps
  • Pushing
  • Restraining
  • Severe Shaking
  • Stabbing
  • Tripping
  • Throwing

 

Understanding sexual abuse and marital rape

 

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Sexual abuse can occur in a marriage. This topic comes about when intercourse between the two is not consensual. The primary purpose of the sexual act is to demonstrate power, control, anger, and violence when it is supposed to be about love. As Christine Scott-Hudson, MA MFT ATR explains, “Examples of physical abuse are behaviors like pushing, shouting over you, screaming in your face, physically taking things away from your grip, grabbing you tightly, squeezing, pinching, hitting, slapping, punching, biting, kicking, shoving, forced sexual contact, restraining, and destroying your property,”

Marital rape is the act of penetration, may it be vaginal, oral or anal, of the aggressor’s penis on the female’s vagina, mouth or anus in the following situations:

  • When the woman resists the act for personal reasons, and yet it still transpired against her will
  • When the woman is not able to withstand or express her objection to the act due to physical abuse and drugs

 

What is sexual coercion?

Sexual coercion is the act when the other party is being persuaded to have sex or any other form of intimate relations. It usually occurs when a couple has this “unequal power” issues in their relationship. Sexual coercion can be any of the following:

Pressure. The thought of sex is the evidence of love for the other, and you are obliged to have sex with the person no matter what the situation may be.

Threat. Threatening to leave or physically harm just to have sex is also sexual coercion.

Flattery. It is luring or bating the other party to have sex with the use of flattery words.

Buying gifts, putting the other person down and guilt tripping just to have sex are some forms of sexual coercion, as well.

 

Reasons why women stay in a marriage enveloped by domestic violence and physical assault

Despite their experiences, some women who experience domestic violence and physical assault, still choose to stay with their husbands/partners for the following reasons:

  • Because of fear that the situation or the other party will only get worse upon the woman’s departure
  • Because of that notion that she is alone in this fight
  • Because of her economic status. Majority of the women who experience abusive relationship have no jobs or any means to generate income for themselves, leaving them dependent to their husbands, who is the abuser.
  • Because there are times when the other party is in a good mood, very loving and caring.
  • Because she doesn’t know where to seek support and safety.

 

Why does abuse take place in a relationship?

 

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The act of being an abuser is correlated to the person’s experience. It has something to with the person’s relationship with his parents, or what he sees in his parent’s marriage as well. Some psychological needs were probably not met. These are called the attachment issues.

Below are the typical attachment needs:

  • Acceptance
  • Closeness
  • Understanding
  • Importance
  • Love

If the person is not emotionally or physically safe during his childhood, the tendency is for them to perceive marriage with the following apprehensions:

  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of abandonment
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of not recognizing self-worth
  • Fear of not being lovable
  • Fear of being controlled

 

Your husband is supposed to love you unconditionally and must never ever hit you physically or trample on your emotional well-being. If you are in a relationship like this with your husband, partner or boyfriend, the best way to live your life is to cut ties with this person. After doing that, you also need counseling. Online therapy may be one of the ways to help you start a new life. (Go to this link if you need online support – https://www.betterhelp.com)

Don’t be afraid to ask for help. A lot of people will back you up and assist you if you want to get away from an abusive spouse or partner. Jason B. Whiting, Ph.D., LMFT said, ” For many women, the safest choice is to just leave. As the brave women in our study shared, by finding courage and seeking out support from loved ones, victims of intimate partner violence can break free of abuse and build a life of dignity and safety.” Everyone should consider that.

 

Abuse And How Counseling Helps

 

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It is a fact that abuse is a daunting matter to resolve alone. A mental health provider could help individuals evaluate and evade abusive circumstances. Abuse victims can express their painful emotions and past experiences through counseling or therapy. Counseling is also accessible for those who want to stop abusing other people.

A counselor may manage primary mental health issues and educate people with positive means to resolve conflict. Counseling is most powerful when an individual sincerely strives to change instead of an individual who is only in counseling because of an existing court order.

Psychotherapy For Abuse Casualties

Therapy and counseling are safe interventions that help process tough emotions. A counselor will not criticize you for how you react to abuse. Some individuals loathe their abuser to the point of fixation. Others might still have feelings for the abuser and want to be with them still. You might go back and forth along this scale. Shame, reassurance, rage, loss, grief – these are all legitimate responses.

You might find yourself overcome with emotions. Several forms of counseling can help abuse victims deal with their past experiences and feelings. Relaxation and mindfulness strategies are aimed at increasing your awareness of the circumstances that provoke your emotions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy can assist in challenging impractical expectations of yourself. Art therapy and narrative therapy can also help boost one’s self-esteem.

Creating A Safety Plan

Studies reveal that an individual is at his highest risk when he is trying to leave his abuser. If you are among these individuals, a counselor can help you create a safe plan for finally leaving.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline suggests drafting a plan before, during, and after leaving or taking action against the abuser. Some of these actions that can tremendously help as you get ready to find help for abuse are the following:

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  • Starting a journal that details events and situations of violence or abuse.
  • Collecting proof of abuse.
  • Confiding to at least one person about what happened to you.
  • Preparing a bag of important things at all times.
  • Finding local facilities and abuse-related organizations.
  • Shifting schedules like the route you take to your workplace, usual appointments, or the supermarket you go to.

Counseling For Child Abuse

There is no one method for managing children who have been neglected or abused. The child’s mental health indications, family dynamics, or age, can all impact the kind of counseling utilized. The duration and type of abuse can also affect treatment. A child who was physically abused for a year will most probably require a different treatment plan and support compared to a teenager who was sexually abused for five years.

Counseling usually starts with an evaluation of the children’s situation. Most of these evaluations include functioning, performance, treatment requirements, and experience of abuse. A counselor or a psychotherapist might utilize clinical tools and performance checklists to enhance their assessments of the child.

Treatment may entail one or more forms of counseling or therapy, which include:

  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy. This form of therapy can help children and adults shift their inaccurate thought patterns. For example, if a kid blames himself, a therapist can guide the child into understanding why the abuse was not their fault at all.
  • Play therapy. Young kids may have problems with expressing themselves through conversation, but they might find it a lot easier to act out their feelings through play. Play therapy helps children process the abuse without feeling scared or vulnerable.
  • Family Counseling and parent-child therapy. These tools are frequently beneficial in incidents where the abuser was a member of the family. Family counseling helps non-offending members of the family to fix or fortify their connections. Parent-child therapy often centers on relationships between the abused child and the parents specifically.
  • Group Counseling. Here, the child meets friends and others with the same experiences. This setting helps decrease emotions of shame, seclusion, and stigma. Group counseling is also a secure environment to learn new strategies and communication tools that the child develops in individual therapy or counseling.

Generally, a supportive person must be included in the course of treatment. If the non-abusive parent blames the abuse casualty, their conduct might hurt the child’s journey towards healing. If the parent is otherwise supportive, he or she may be part of the child’s treatment plan. In counseling, a trusted individual or guardian can learn how to help the child’s healing process and decrease symptoms.

On the other hand, members of the family who were not abused may also require treatment. Brothers or sisters who saw the abuse might develop displaced trauma. Parents can also express their anxieties or their guilt about what happened to their child. Treatment can happen on a one-on-one basis or in joint therapy.

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Treatment For The Abuser 

Treatment plans for the abuser are inclined to have mixed outcomes. Some plans will succeed, while other plans will seem to have no impact. Still, others may be in treatment because they have a court order. People, according to research, who are ordered by the court to get treated have a higher likelihood of abusing again. Finally, some might briefly show good conduct because of their fear of getting arrested or imprisoned.

 

 

Facts About Domestic Violence Counselors

 

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For other people, the belief in ‘ happily ever after’ may sound like a good idea, but it is far from the truth. For these individuals, the belief merely does not exist. There are thousands of people in the United States that are sad and miserable, but they are also quite treacherous.

Domestic violence is a form of violence that entails physical abuse, a form that can comprise of a range of actions, including punching, confining, pushing, hitting, and kicking, as well as hazards of these said actions. Nevertheless, abusive people in these circumstances frequently emit their poison by doing all types of abuse. For example, in conjunction with being physically violent, they could also be financially, sexually, and emotionally abusive.

Learning why domestic violence victims leave their abusers might be one of the toughest things for loved ones to comprehend, especially if they themselves have not experienced that kind of circumstance before. The truth is, separating from an abusive partner or spouse could be among the toughest things that a domestic violence casualty has to do. These kinds of circumstances often cause victims to feel afraid, frail, embarrassed, powerless, and desperate.

On the other hand, counseling for domestic violence is a sort of counseling aimed at helping domestic violence casualties deal with their situations. Though some counselors are capable of helping these kinds of people, domestic violence is quite a sensitive and complicated state, which domestic violence counselors are particularly qualified to manage and understand.

Becoming A Domestic Violence Counselor

Becoming a domestic violence counselor requires a bachelor’s degree, a master’s degree, and a doctorate degree or a Ph.D. program. You can learn more information about their programs online.

Again, domestic violence is very treacherous. It could leave both mental and physical wounds. It is also common for abuse casualties to murder their spouses in the midst of fury or temper outbursts. Hence, domestic violence counseling is beneficial, and it aids victims in evading their abusers and deal with the damaging results of the abuse.

What They Do

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The initial step that domestic counselors typically take when trying to help an abused person is to evaluate the situation. This commonly entails talking to the person, and if possible, other people in the person’s home so that the degree and difficulty of the abuse can be evaluated.

When dealing with victims, domestic violence counselors will frequently listen more rather than talk, particularly during the first session. This allows the victim to be more comfortable, which she most probably never felt while she was with the abuser. This also assists the victim in expressing her issues and worries and helps counselors gain the victim’s trust.

Educating themselves is another basic obligation of domestic violence counselors. For example, if a counselor is helping a victim that has yet to leave her abuser, the counselor will typically learn more about her in all areas of domestic violence. This way, he provides the victim with helpful information that she can utilize to see where she is more clearly.

In a counseling session, a domestic violence counselor will frequently strive to help casualties understand that they are not to blame for their situation. The counselor will also help victims feel more independent and emboldened. For victims who are still with their abuser, counselors can also smoothly strive to convince them that life without their abusers is possible and for the best.

In other circumstances, domestic violence counselors also function as victim advocates. This may entail helping victims seek medical and legal aid, find a temporary home, and acquire protection orders. Counselors may also go with abuse casualties to court and potentially function as witnesses in unlawful cases that involve their clients.

Aside from assisting domestic violence victims with their situation, counselors can also help them deal with the mental and emotional damage they have experienced during their afflictions.

Where They Work

A domestic violence counselor may work in a variety of settings. He can be hired by healthcare centers of hospitals, for example, and be assigned to evaluate potential domestic violence incidents. Non-profit organizations and women’s shelters may also employ a domestic violence counselor, along with social service centers.

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How Much They Earn

Reports from the United States Bureau of Labor Statistics have an expansive occupational category for behavioral illnesses, substance abuse, and mental healthcare counselors that share data on how much domestic violence counselors usually earn. In 2020, the average salary was a little less than $48,000, while the overall range of earnings ranged from about $30,000 for the bottom 10% on up to over $78,000 for those in the upper 10%.

Domestic violence counselors employed for local and state facilities earn an average salary of more than $50,000, while those employed in the government agencies were earning around $54,000, the highest average salary of any occupation category that the bureau monitored for the field of counseling.

 

 

Frequently Asked Questions About Physical Symptoms Of Anxiety

When I was a young girl, I believe in a happy ending. I always dreamed of a love story that would make me feel like I am in heaven. I have this positive outlook regarding marital bonds because my parents were my example with their unconditional love for each other. As I grew up, I maintain a happy and positive attitude towards relationships, despite not working according to what I want.

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But after a few years of being married, I started losing hope that happy endings exist. I became a battered wife, and I get physically hurt as often as I could remember. At first, I thought perhaps it was another form of unconditional love that my parents didn’t show me. Or perhaps, the whole marital experience is too much to handle. That is why my husband feels pressured. But after another more years, there came emotional and sexual abuse.

With all the sufferings, I became unrealistically fearful. I got diagnosed with anxiety disorder along with depression and PTSD. I became miserable with these mental illnesses around me. I can’t explain further details, so let me try and open it up through these frequently asked questions.

How does anxiety affect you physically? 

Anxiety can affect you physically both in the short and long term. It increases your breathing and heart rate. That is entirely normal as the good effects of anxiety help prepare you to face an intense situation. However, if the condition tends to get too intense, you might start to feel lightheaded and nauseous.

 What are the main signs of anxiety? 

The common signs of anxiety include the feeling of nervousness, panic, increasing heart rate, sweating, trembling, and breathing rapidly. It also includes signs of restlessness or fatigue and trouble concentrating, and overthinking about too much unnecessary worry.

 What are the physical sensations of anxiety? 

Anxiety can cause several unpleasant experiences of related physical sensations. Some of which can come in the form of a panic attack that can be characterized by distressing physical feelings, such as ​ accelerated heart rate, trembling, shaking, chest pain, and shortness of breath.

 What are the physical symptoms of stress and anxiety? 

Anxiety can cause physical symptoms such as stomach pain, digestive trouble, sweating, trembling, rapid breathing, increased heart rate, and weakness or fatigue. It can also cause other sleep-related issues such as insomnia.

 How do you calm an anxious stomach? 

Home and natural remedies are proven safe and effective in treating an anxious stomach. You can Try herbal remedies or use some calming diffuser oils or incenses. It is also recommended to avoid caffeine, especially coffee and other carbonated drinks. It is important to find space to relax so you can practice deep breathing, meditation, and mindfulness.

 How do you stop anxiety sickness? 

To some extent, anxiety can cause mild to severe sickness, leading to nausea and even vomiting. With that, you need to pay attention to your mind and body. If you can, slowly sip a glass of clear and cold water to calm yourself down. Take long, deep breaths as well so you can refocus and ease your mind from physical pain. You must consider changing your clothes and choose outfits that are comfortable enough and do not restrict your stomach.

 What does an anxiety attack feel like? 

Anxiety often gives you a crazy and weird feeling that you are somehow losing control. Usually, it gives you palpitations or chest pain. It also makes you feel weak like you are going to pass out at any moment. It makes you experience a choking sensation caused by troubled breathing.

 Does anxiety go away if you tend to ignore it? 

Though in some instances, mild anxiety tends to go away even without therapy and medication. Some severe conditions require specific attention. That is because chronic anxiety often persists and eventually gets worse. Thus, there is no way you can ignore it, especially when its symptoms are already affecting your daily duties and social responsibilities.

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 What are the five emotional signs of stress? 

There are a lot of emotional signs that can relate to anxiety. However, the five most common symptoms include:

  • Always feeling on edge.
  • Having a sense of unworthiness.
  • Lacking energy.
  • Being always unwilling.
  • Having self-doubt.
  • Getting too sensitive and emotional.

 Can your stomach hurt from being nervous? 

The effects of stress and anxiety vary in many ways. However, one common symptom includes stomach-aches. The mental condition can have a powerful impact on the connection between the gut and the brain. Anxiety can cause worse physical symptoms such as abdominal cramps as it affects the stomach and intestine-specific nervous system called the enteric nervous system.

 Can anxiety make you feel weird? 

Unfortunately, yes. Anxiety can show symptoms that you often can’t explain. The strange sensation causes feelings of tingling and numbness. Usually, you get to feel it in almost every part of the body. But commonly, you get to experience the weird feeling on the face, hands, arms, feet, and legs.

 How do I get rid of the stress in my life? 

Stress is inevitable, but certain methods can help you get rid of it. These include staying fit and physically active, getting enough sleep, taking supplements, drinking enough water, and eating healthy foods. You also need to spend more time with your family and friends, focus on less alcohol and caffeine consumption, and avoid smoke and junk foods. Be mindful of changing your lifestyle one step at a time so you can stay away from additional pressure.

 How do you know if you have emotional stress? 

Emotional stress can be quite different from what you thought it would be. There are instances that sometimes you will assume what you are feeling is normal. However, when there is too much irritability, anger, or restlessness present, and when there is a constant negative feeling of unworthiness, you need to immediately seek professional help.

 When should I see a doctor about anxiety and stress?

You should consult a medical professional if you feel that your excessive is already interfering with your daily life. These include your hygiene, work or school, social life, and romantic relationship.

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Takeaway

Despite all those heartaches and emotional torture I encountered for the past nine years, I still believe in a happy ending. But right now, I know it does not come from a marital relationship as I found my true happiness along with my clear thoughts, regulated emotions, and strong mental health.

 

Family Issues: Dealing With An Abusive Husband

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Family can possibly be the best source of happiness of an individual. A family may either be related by blood or from a group of persons who are there for you in good or bad times. Aside from parents and siblings, we can also consider some friends as family. We can also consider our partner as a family since they give us comfort and protection in times of need.

Continue reading “Family Issues: Dealing With An Abusive Husband”

What It Means When A Wife Leaves For Her Mental Health

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Being in the marriage counseling business for many years taught me that women often served as glue in various households. When the man fails to do his part, the woman steps up and does the job. If the husband gets caught having an extramarital affair, the wife often forgives him and gives him as many chances as possible. That’s especially true if the couple has kids that they want to keep from having a broken family.

The thing is, statistics show that more women file for divorce compared to men. A few of my male clients who have experienced that come to me to ask why. Some even said, “I know I mess up all the time, but I want to change. Why can’t she wait for that?”

Well, I can think of many mental health-related reasons for that, such as:

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You Have Exhausted Her Love

Regardless of how loving and patient you believe women can be, they are far from being saints. You may not always see it, but every awful thing you do chips away at their patience. Though they are smiling and enabling you on the outside, deep inside, they may be saying, “Go on and do everything you want now. When I get enough of your crap, we’re done for good.”

And that’s what genuinely happens when a man exhausts a woman’s love. Try not to be fooled if you gain their forgiveness quickly after one or three times. Your wife was kind to do that, but she was also observing what you would do with that kindness. The more you act nastily, the less her love for you becomes.

You Are Beyond Redemption

Some men with vices refuse to admit that they need to change anything about themselves. They insist that nothing is wrong, that all their drinking, gambling, or smoking habits somehow help them become better. However, no one else believes their alibis, especially not their wives, who look after them when they’re passed out.

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If a woman leaves you in that state, it entails that you are already beyond redemption in her eyes. Nothing she could do or say would be able to save you. You can’t call her selfish, considering she has put up with you for years.

You Can’t Fool Her Anymore

My aunt is a perfect example of those martyr wives who remained with their cheating husbands no matter how many times they’ve learned about the latter’s sexcapades. It started with her husband’s secretary five years after their wedding. She let him be without confronting the man, thinking that he would get over her immediately. My aunt only called it quits when she realized that the mistress was already pregnant.

You see, a woman can merely be fooled if they let you fool them. Martyrs turn a blind eye on your mistakes while hoping that you will change. Getting someone else pregnant is a pretty done deal, so it’s not surprising if they want to end things with you because of that.

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You Don’t Make Her Feel Safe

Messed-up guys sometimes say derogatory words with or without alcohol in their system. The problem is, they usually think nothing of it and act as if the woman was just dramatic when they seem to hurt. Worse, when the wife gets hit, the man expects her to forgive him, claiming that it’s merely his messed-up brain doing it.

In truth, physical and verbal types of abuse are deal breakers for a lot of women. You can cheat on them for as many times as you want, but hitting or demeaning them is different. When you no longer make them feel safe, they will undoubtedly leave you, even when you apologize repeatedly.

Your Wife Found A Better Man

Assuming your wife has always needed to take care of your sorry butt, it’s not impossible for them to look for another man who will want to take care of them. Some people call such women as flirty or homewrecker, but you may have broken your family first. She’s just making it official by divorcing you and moving on with a better man.

In that case, there’s no reason to fight the inevitable. You can’t do anything to win your wife back.

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Final Thoughts

When a woman leaves you, try not to think that it is because she’s an ice queen or a slut or gold digger. Instead, look at yourself in the mirror and find out what qualities you have that are worth staying for. If you have a stable job and are an excellent provider and lover, you can question her decision. But if you are a drunkard, jobless, and mean husband, you should accept that she deserves a better life than what you can give.

Move on and give her a peace of mind then by signing the divorce papers. You will all be better for it.

Six Movies To Watch With Your Husband To Travel The World While In Quarantine

Are you one of the couples who had to cancel their vacation plans because of the COVID-19 pandemic? Even if you and your husband want to hop on the next flight, it will not be safe to do so. Your travel plans should be best on hold while there is a risk of infecting yourselves and your loved ones with the virus. 

Dr. John Denninger M.D., Ph.D., says “Travel is a great thing to appreciate, to remind yourself that not everyone has the opportunity to do this. That appreciation has been demonstrated to be positive for mood and mental health.”    

However, there is still a way for you to explore the world while staying safe at home. Below are some movies which and your husband can enjoy to travel to various places and experience different cities. Enjoy!

Eat Pray Love

Travel To: India, Italy, and Indonesia 

Source: tripadvisor.com

Eat Pray Love is a book turned film starring Julia Roberts. Aside from enjoying three beautiful and diverse locations, the movie will inspire you to leap of faith to try new things.

The film is about an unhappy married woman who decided to leave everything behind and find herself. In pursuit of building herself again, she was able to enjoy good food, find inner peace, and meet new and exciting people. This film is not only visually appealing but also uplifting to the soul.

Before Sunrise 

Travel To: Vienna, Austria

One of the best things about traveling is meeting new people. Before Sunrise is a movie about two characters, who met on the train, and these characters then spent the rest of the evening together.

The characters got to know each other while walking and exploring the city of Vienna. It is not a surprise how the two characters fall in love while surrounded by the beautiful scenery of the place. If you are a romantic and love the idea of perfect chemistry and travel, try and watch this film.

Lost In Translation 

Travel To: Japan 

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Lost in Translation stars Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray. Past his superstar prime, Bob goes to Japan to shoot for a commercial. On the other hand, Charlotte is the wife of a photographer who is often left alone to explore Japan.

Set in the busy city of Tokyo, both characters were lost and found a companion in each other while discovering the culture of Japan. Watch the entire film and see how these characters survived to be in a foreign country.

Crazy Rich Asians

Travel To: Singapore

Source: wikipedia.org

When you do not have a spending limit, imagine where and what money can buy you. Crazy Rich Asians is also a book turned movie that features the lifestyle of Singapore’s most elite.

The story revolves around how a simple girl found out and tried to survive in his boyfriend’s wealthy family. Get first-hand experience on how the rich spend their money as they enjoy yachts, luxurious beach trips, and parties. Explore Singapore in a new light while falling in love. 

The Proposal 

Travel To: Alaska

The Proposal is an unconventional love story. Usually, people fall in love with one another, get engaged, and eventually, get married. These events also happened for Andrew Paxton and Margaret Tate- only in a different order. Andrew is Margaret’s secretary.

Unfortunately, she is about to be deported. To avoid this mishap and in exchange for a promotion, Margaret forced Andrew into an engagement. The “couple” traveled to Alaska to meet Andrew’s family and eventually fell in love.      

Mamma Mia!

Travel To: Greece

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Who doesn’t want good music and movie? Set in the majestic beauty of Greece, Mamma Mia is a musical featuring the songs of Abba. Sophie Sheridan, played by Amanda Seyfried, is bride-to-be hoping to meet her birth father before she gets married.

She decided to invite three of her suspected men to her wedding, surprising her mother, played by Meryl Streep. Watch the full movie and enjoy the music, the laughter, and the love the characters exhibited throughout the story.

Traveling with your significant other gives you new opportunities to get to know them better. While you are waiting for the outdoors to be safe, try satisfying your urge to travel by watching these movies. You might want to consider some of their movie locations on your second honeymoon.

Instead of feeling stuck at home, go travel the world with your husband through your screens, and stay safe!

COVID-19 Lockdown Spikes Domestic Abuse Worldwide

As countries respond to the Novel Coronavirus Disease 2019 with a community lockdown, men, women, and children lie susceptible to abuse. This lockdown buys the government time and slows down the spread of COVID-19, but some households aren’t as safe as we thought. Several countries over the world discovered an unfortunate upward trend in domestic violence.

What’s Happening During The Lockdown?

As adults stress over the consequences and preventive measures of COVID, unemployment and tight budgets also meet them at the threshold of the lockdown. Since companies are laying off employees, it causes an added emotional and mental stress. With stressors piling left and right, physical escape for both victims and abusers is impossible. With this, people tend to lash out in the most inconsiderable ways. BetterHelp psychologists also explain how the loss of a job or stress at work triggers abuse at home. Lacking power at work, they feel the urge to exert dominance in isolation with their victims.

Experts also predict an increase in child sexual abuse, trafficking, and exploitation. Marginalized families with breadwinners laid off from work find alternatives to earn a living, even when such means are too derogatory. Another scenario the lockdown paints for children is a loss of a parent or guardian. This effect may be COVID-related or domestic abuse as orphans find ways to sustain their families. Operations for child protection and welfare organizations have also ceased, leaving the children to fend for themselves in their homes.

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The United Nations reports a double increase in the calls received by help hotlines dedicated to abuse. In the United Kingdom, help hotlines for victims rise to 700%, according to an abuse charity. Meanwhile, a hotline aimed towards helping abusers rose to 25% during the start of lockdown in the country.

These reported cases reflect the adverse effects of the lockdown. Imagine the cases of those going undetected. While the lockdown does not create violent partners, experts express how the lockdown serves as an opportunity for these abusive behaviors to surface.

How Can We Help Combat This Locked-In Crisis?

Human Rights organizations urge governments to also give attention to women, men, and children who need protection. No government was ready for the pandemic. However, governments have been aware of the domestic violence cases long before COVID-19. Yet, they treat this maltreatment and abuse with reactive solutions yet again. Some governments have not left victims with sufficient provisions. The government should still be held accountable for addressing the plight of over 10 million people at risk of domestic abuse.

Even with written laws going against violence against women and children and domestic abuse, individual groups continue to fight against violence. Even with the lockdown, women, and children protection agencies and charities, along with human rights, organizations found ways to connect and hopefully save lives.

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With a lengthened lockdown, situations may worsen unless the government intervenes in helping victims abandon isolation. A more optimistic solution is to help abusers come into the light of changing their behavior. Counselors from charities may help regulate an abuser’s emotions, keep their mental health at bay, and reach out to victims with trauma.

A happy and healthy mind and body are partners in stabilizing our moods, emotions, and mental well-being. Abusers may be our loved ones. If you think you can still reasonably communicate with an abuser, you can help with these simple steps:

  • Stay Emotionally Connected

As people distance themselves from other people physically, it is essential to stay emotionally connected to them. With the use of the internet and communication technologies, we can reach out to our loved ones. By catching up with friends, students, and family, we can also find if there is something wrong going on.

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  • Healthy Sleeping Habits

Who can function properly when they don’t have enough sleep? Extreme sleep deprivation increases hallucinations and mental instability. Although we might have more time to stay up late on the internet, there’s only so much our bodies can handle.

  • Practice Mindfulness

Exercising and meditation techniques help a person improve mindfulness. In turn, mindfulness brings about stable control of one’s thoughts and emotions. Mindfulness is necessary for everybody to manage stress efficiently.

  • Nutritious Meals

See to it that your loved ones and students are eating healthy food. The body needs sustenance to perform tasks and think clearly and logically. Don’t skip meals if you can afford it.

Source: needpix.com

In hindsight, domestic violence has been raging pandemic, which worsened with the lockdown. Governments and private organizations should work hand in hand in also prioritizing the welfare of people inside their homes. By looking out for each other, improved health, emotional and mental stability, and staying connected to friends or a help hotline may save us in such a time of coronavirus.

6 Signs Of Economic Abuse And What You Can Do About It

Source: med.navy.mil

In this day and age, women are already considered equal to men in almost all aspects. Women are now exercising their rights to vote, to get a degree and to earn money for themselves. Fact is that a considerable percentage of the working population is composed of women, in which some are leaders in their respective fields of specialization. Despite this achievement, there are some issues underneath that oppose women’s success, one of which is economic or financial abuse.

 

In a separate view, economic abuse happens when women (some instances, also the men) are made to compromise with the situations they are into despite their capability to earn money. This type of manipulation and repression is not discussed because of shame and the thought that problems involving money are very sensitive. But how can one identify that such abuse is endured?

“There are many types of toxic relationships such as a controlling or manipulative, negative, self-centered or narcissistic, dishonest, insecure, abusive, blaming or demanding and competitive, and secretive, and dramatic.” – Catherine Jackson, a licensed clinical psychologist and neurotherapist

Below are some clear signs:

 

No Choice Career-Wise

 

Women have no choice but to forget the career they wanted and compromise with the one that is available and convenient for the partner or spouse. Some may have full-time jobs, but in the end, they are forced to resign since their spouse or partner is not in favor of it.

 

Every Penny Tracked

 

Source: jpl.nasa.gov

In this situation, every cent handled by the woman is computed and tracked. If something went off with the accounting, emotional or physical abuse would follow.

 

No Accounts

 

Women experiencing economic abuse don’t have their own personal bank balances, debit cards, credit cards, or any other form of financial account. The woman here is left entirely dependent on her partner who has the sole control of the household finances.

 

Threats

 

Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT said, “Power exists in all relationships. Having power means to have a sense of control, to have choices and the ability to influence our environment and others.” When a man threatens a woman to leave her and cut off his financial obligations with her, it is a sign of economic abuse. This form of intimidation pushes a woman to be vulnerable and to be in total control by the man.

 

The Lazy Bum and The Slave Worker

 

The woman, in this situation, is the one who is working and is the breadwinner of the family, but she has no control over her salary since the man is doing it for her. She is striving to provide for the family, and the man spends the money she earns. The woman is also forced to work overtime and even take more jobs to cover their needs, pay their bills and of course, her partner’s luxury.

 

Family Obligation

 

Source: dodlive.mil

The woman or wife is always pregnant. Child-bearing and rearing will keep her from work, and compel her to become entirely dependent on her partner or husband.

 

How to Overcome This Situation

 

Leave Him. If things are unbearable and abusive, you must leave him. Plan it out carefully. Relationships like this are not worth keeping. As Jason B. Whiting, Ph.D., LMFT explains, “For many women, the safest choice is to just leave. As the brave women in our study shared, by finding courage and seeking out support from loved ones, victims of intimate partner violence can break free of abuse and build a life of dignity and safety.”

 

Reach out. Get help from your family, friends, and people close to you. Tell them what is happening so that you have support for when you decide to leave your partner or husband. If it does not help you much, try contacting online psychologists. (BetterHelp is a fantastic source of such professionals.)

 

Secure Your Education. To start with your new life, take a new venture. Enroll in an online school or finish the degree of your choice through a college or university.

 

Save Up. Save money whenever you get the chance. Once you’ve ascertained that your cash on hand is enough, you can make your exit.

 

Get A Job. Find a decent-paying job that you like to do. Keep it low key, though. As they say, let your success be the noise.

 

Establish Credit. Apply for a credit account and have it safeguarded in loved ones or a friend’s house.

 

Research. Research how you can get help from the government with your situation. You will need their assistance until such time you are finally able to stand on your feet again.