Building Yourself Up After An Abusive Relationship


Someone who is in an abusive relationship will most definitely be depressed, distressed, anxious, sleepless or insomniac, and will manifest physical problems. It is also highly likely that your self-esteem is injured as you receive abuse, be it verbal, physical, financial, emotional or mental. This state of mind is never healthy and hearing all the time that you are a “loser,” “disgusting,” “fat,” “stupid,” and other hurtful words can lead you to doubt your worth.


“Being in an abusive relationship is incredibly confusing, and multiple myths about abuse can make it difficult to identify when it happens to you.” Brandy Parris, MA, LMHC said. You may have experienced such emotional and mental damage, and for some, it is challenging to overcome. But yes, it can be surpassed, with proper care and persistence to getting better.


5 Steps To Reclaiming Your Self-Esteem


Step 1 – You Must Include Positive Assertions About Yourself Every Day.


Some people read empowering passages or a quote of self-esteem every morning as they wake up. These assertions are encouraging statements that you can read and say to yourself over and over again to remind you of your worth. You can put the quote by your bedside, on your dresser, refrigerator door, bathroom mirror, your diary, and in any other place.




Step 2 – The Most Effective Way To Gain Back Your Self-Esteem Is To Love Yourself.


“Self-love is not simply a state of feeling good. It is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.” Deborah Khoshaba Psy.D. said. Take care of your body, mind, and heart. You may be fragile now, and it will stay that way if you don’t do something about it. It is a must to repel negative thoughts and feed your mind and heart with only right beliefs.



As for your body, you have to eat healthy foods daily. Rest at least 8 hours at night and if you can, exercise at least 30 minutes each day. You must also have regular checkups with your doctor to prevent the onset of physical illnesses.


Another way to love yourself is by engaging in fun and stimulating activities like writing, listening to music, reading self-help books, and the likes. Some love it when they are pampering themselves in a way like putting on makeup, doing their nails, soaking in a bubble bath, aromatherapy at home and more.


As for other people, you need to establish boundaries. What attitudes and acts offend you most? You must never allow others to overstep those boundaries again. It will be a challenge especially since your self-esteem is still low and recovering, but you have to put your foot forward. In time, you will be able to nourish your self-worth.


Step 3 – Find Support From Family, Friends, And Mental Health Professionals.


It is possible that your abusive partner or spouse “commanded” you to stay away from your family, friends, or to anybody who attempts to care for your emotional well-being. Well, this is the time to repair that connection and rebuild yourself. “If you have had significant issues around trust, safety, or stability in relationships previously, I think it’s important for people to have other sources of support outside of their partner(s). This support can come in various forms such as friends, family members, clergy, and even a therapist.” Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC said. Abusers are used to doing that because they have a hold on their partners or spouses, and in return, there is a dependence on the abuser.


Well, reach out to your loved ones right now and tell them what happened to you. You can also join religious groups for soul enrichment. It is also beneficial to speak with a counselor or therapist specializing in abused people so you can successfully restore yourself. If all else fails, you may talk to online psychologists from platforms like BetterHelp.


Step 4 – Avoid Abusive Relationships In The Future.


You have to see the red flags for yourself and decide not to get into a relationship with this type of person. There are warnings signs to know that your partner is abusive – short temper, excessively jealous, control freak, stalking types, and many more. If your feelings are hurt, if you are physically hurt, and if you don’t feel safe due to your partner’s behavior, then you are abused.  Avoid it.


Step 5 – Be Brave Enough To Move On.



Separating from an abuser is tricky. Some women submit after a few weeks and go back to their abusive life cycle. You just have to be brave enough to leave him (or her) out of your life from now on. Plan your life well and if you need help doing that, get that assistance. You have a chance at a new life. You must take it.