The Problems with Getting Back an Ex

Anyone that has ever tried to win back an ex-girlfriend will probably tell you that it is no easy task and they would be right. In the vast majority of cases it would probably be easier to find a new girlfriend than it would be to get back an ex but, to some the effort is worth it.

As getting back an ex can be so difficult, it is best to be certain that that is what you really want and that no other girl would fill the void that you are feeling.

Although an ex-girlfriend can be won back, most guys fail because they take the wrong approach to winning her back, they either beg, threaten or bring up the past, all of which have been proven to be ineffective at best and disastrous at worst.

Most girls love to see pets beg but it is not something that they want to see a man do and if they do, they immediately lose any respect they may have for that man. So this approach rarely works and if it does, the renewed relationship is always short lived.

Threatening her is always bad and making threats to do something to yourself because you can’t go on without her is almost as bad as, if she does return, it once again will only be for a short time, under a feeling of fear.

You would think that bringing up the past should work as you would only mention the good times you shared together but apparently, according to recent studies, although you may not mention the bad times, any recollections of the past also ignite memories of the bad times for the girl and she will more than likely be reminded of the reasons why the relationship had to end.

So, by all means apologize for whatever but never beg or threaten and keep the conversation about the future, the good times you could share together and do not dwell on the past.

Of course whichever approach you do chose to make, it will depend on whether you finished with her or she finished with you but when considering this remember, if you finished with her because she was cheating, to all intents and purposes, she had already finished with you when she started cheating and so treat it that way.

Many times a girl will break up because they feel there is no romance in the relationship and so the suggestion of a candlelit dinner or a quiet picnic in the countryside may go a long way towards showing that you can and are prepared to change for the better but, if this does work, remember to keep that spark of romance alive in order for the relationship to grow instead of ending in another break up.

Of course, if the girl broke up because she thought you were too intense, a slower, more laid back approach would probably be better and more effective.

Winning an Ex Back: Maybe it is About You

In any relationship, it is important for you to be yourself. But that self should be your best. This is not to say that there will not be bad days and mistakes, because there will be both. But if you constantly put forth the worst version of you, then maybe it is time for some self-evaluation. If your girlfriend has recently broken off things with you, maybe it is time for a closer look at the bad you, the good you, and who might be winning the battle. This may be the best way for you to get back the girl you really love.


Self Evaluations

 If you think that the reason she broke things off has to do with some bad habits you may be displaying, then it might be time for a self-evaluation. There are many personality tests online that you can access for free or minimal costs. These tests, such as the DISC, can say a lot about who you are. Not only do these tests assess your strengths and weaknesses, they also offer suggestions for bettering yourself. I recently took the DISC and was surprised at just how accurate it was. Look online, check the test reviews, and see if one of these tools may put you back in the sights of your former flamer.



 Approach your former girl friend and ask if she would like to participate in a couple’s therapy program. She may be so wooed at your gesture that she is willing to enter into this therapy to rekindle the relationship. You should offer to pay the bill. This has nothing to do with you being the man, it is not a gender sexist move, but it is a show of how much you want to reconcile with your former partner. Ask your friends and peers who they might have used and begin to research the best person to help the two of you.

If this is in relation to your wife, have you tried counselling. What would it mean to her if you made the first move and searched for professional marriage counselling near me. There are experts out there that can help you build bridges and move forward together.


A Couple’s Retreat

 Another ploy, similar to therapy, is the couple’s retreat plan. If you are still in contact with your ex-girlfriend, and she seems interested in saving the relationship, too, then ask her how she would fee about a couple’s retreat. These retreats are held all over the world. The idea is that you remove yourselves from your secure setting and do nothing but concentrate on healing and focusing on each other for an extended time. The results can be rather profound. As always, check the reviews and references for the retreats you may be considering.


It takes a big person to admit that they are wrong or that they have issues. The mere gesture of doing this is strong and will send a strong and positive message to your ex-girlfriend. There are also benefits beyond saving this relationship. Self-evaluation, therapy, and couple’s retreats can all make you a better person. This is a win-win step in every aspect. You can take pride in knowing that you are being the best person that you can possibly be.

Winning back an Exes Heart

Once a girlfriend (or wife) has left you, she will be hard to get back and so if you really care for her, do all you can to keep her. This of course though is not always that easy but neither will be winning her back.

Often when a girlfriend leaves us we feel regret but we must search our feelings and decide if that regret is just because we have no longer got a female by our side or is it because we no longer have that female by our side. If it is the former, it may be far easier to just find another girlfriend rather than trying to get the same one back.

If it is the first, then I would consider looking searching for local dating services near me to help you find someone new.

If though it is the latter and it is that girl herself that we miss, we will probably want to try and get her back but that will certainly be a challenge. If she left she must have had a reason and you must first determine what that reason was.

If it something trivial, you may be able to apologize and be forgiven but usually it is far more complex than that but starting by apologizing will always help. Although you certainly should apologize, under no circumstances should you beg. Begging is for pets and not men as far as women are concerned and they lose any respect for men that they see begging, for whatever reason.

If you did beg and she came back, she probably came back because of sympathy for you but having lost her respect for you, she won’t stay with you for long. The same can be said about making threats, saying you will do something to her or to yourself if she doesn’t come back.

Once again I she came back it would be because of feelings of either fear or pity, none of which are good for restarting a meaningful relationship. One other thing we should not do if we want the girl back, is linger on the past.

Although you may think that reminding her of some good times you had together in the past, may be a good idea, apparently those good times also remind them of some of the bad times and so they want nothing to do with you.

Better therefore, not to mention the past at all and concentrate on telling her what you have planned for your future together should she accept you back.

Although by doing this you can be very imaginative, perhaps suggesting a weekend in Venice , Rome or Paris, remember that if she does come back and you want her to stay, you will have to make good on your suggestions and so keep them to something you can afford, like a candlelit dinner or a weekend away in the country.

If this is new for you, she will know and realize that you have changed and so is more likely to take you back. If you are successful in winning her back, remember how hard it was to get her back and don’t lose her again.

Romancing Your Way Back to an Ex

If a man wants to get back an ex-girlfriend, his first thoughts are probably that he will have to beg, threaten or remind her of their past in order to succeed but, the experts would beg to differ. According to experts, those are exactly the three things that you should never do.

According to them, begging may work in the short term but as she would have only returned out of sympathy, the relationship will never last. Once she has seen you begging, regardless of whether or not she initially feels sympathy for you, she will certainly lose respect for you and that resect will not be able to be won back.

Threats could also work but once again, only in the short term. If you threaten her of course, she will always resent it, even if she does succumb to the threats. If you threaten to do something to yourself, once again it will be pity she feels but the lasting result will be a loss of respect for you.

The experts say that bringing up the good times also reminds girls of the bad times and you never know which will be the strongest and so mentioning anything in your past should be avoided. What the experts say will work though, is apologizing, showing you have changed and talking of the future and what it could be like if you hooked-up again.

Let’s start by saying though, before you even contemplate getting an ex back, you should do some serious thinking. Most of all you need to decide if it is female company you miss or that particular female’s company.

Believe me when I say that although finding a new girlfriend can sometimes be difficult, it is rarely as difficult as getting an ex-girlfriend back. So you will have decided that this ex is the girl you really want in your future which means, you are prepared to work hard to get her back.

Apologizing for anything you may have done is of course going to be necessary as is forgiving her for anything she may have done but that is only the start. It will not suffice for you to just tell that you have changed, if that is what was needed, you will have to find a way of showing her you have changed and that is where romance may come in.

Even if you used to take her out for romantic dinners, offer to do so again and if she accepts, remember to give her all your attention through the course of the meal. Whether she accepts the dinner or not, mention perhaps the two of you going away for a weekend, somewhere romantic where you can relax and think things through.

Without being pushy, suggest that the break could do the two of you some good, regardless of the outcome. Once a man has got himself a girlfriend, they often forget to maintain the romance which often contributes to a break up and so if you do get her back, keep being romantic so as to keep her.

The Future, not the Past, wins an Old Girlfriend Back

Men often make the mistake when trying to win an ex-girlfriend back, of keep bringing up the past, reminding the girl of some of the great times you may have had together.

Although this may initially seem like a good idea, experts say that more often than not, talking about the good times you and your girlfriend shared, also reminds her of the bad times too and as it were those bad times which probably caused the break up, they are best left forgotten.

Other men try the approach of begin their ex-girlfriend to come back but once again, the experts say that is also a no go.

Begging will generally make the girl have sympathy for you but if she returns to you through feelings of sympathy, the relationship will not last as your begging will have lost her respect for you, meaning a lasting relationship would be impossible to maintain.

So remember; begging works for pets but not for men. So if you can’t beg or bring up the past, getting an old girlfriend back is not going to be easy. It is for this reason that before you even try, you first think through as to whether it is actually this girl you want back or will any girl do.

Finding a new girlfriend is often far easier than winning an old one back. If you do decide though that you are serious in wanting her back, be prepared to first apologize for any misdoings she may think you did and to change your ways if that is what it will take.

Some break ups are due to a single instance in which case an earnest apology may go a good way to getting her back but if the break up was due to an attitude you had, that attitude will have to change before success can be achieved.

Paving the way for either of these, an invitation to share a romantic dinner may help, especially if it is something that you may never have suggested in the past, it will show you have changed and are serious about wanting her back.

Over dinner of course, never mention the past, only talk of what could be your futures but do not be pushy, for the best results for a lasting relationship, it would be better if she suggested getting back together, you remain the romantic admirer.

Once the girl starts to show a positive response, suggest the possibility of going on a weekend away so that you can both have time away from the other dramas of everyday life, to contemplate the future.

Even if she has her doubts about your intentions and so refuses, the invite will stay in her mind as a reminder that you may really have changed for the better and be worth more careful consideration about being a part of her future. Be patient and allow her to think things through, perhaps suggesting another dinner whenever she feels comfortable about it.